Bedlam and my old friend Depression

So after nearly 2 years of various anti-depressants,a half hearted suicide attempt with Baileys and some Tramadol, a CD on sleep "hygiene" (why does that make sleep seem dirty?),my new shrink is very happy with me. He got my appointment muddled up, thus he apologised at least seven times (thought that was my mantra),so he felt he had to make it up to me, and I got a gold star for my behaviour. No tears mid-session, and I've only cried once when one of the witches of the coven was bored at the weekend and decided it would be fun and do some cyber bullying. But I digress.
It also helped he was a new chap, unlike the previous Dutch one, who was determined to fit a label on me. He first suggested alcoholic (as I like to finish the bottle of decent red);then bi-polar (Am I some wag wannabe who wants to jump onto the celebrity mental disorder of the year-I am nothing like Kerry Katona); and his final one was Borderline Personality Disorder. I think he was confusing my moans of utter despair in that lonely vicious cycle of single working mum, with someone desperate for friends. No I'm just desperate to have a bit of the old me back. He finally settled on severe depression with 120mg of duoloxetine and 50mg of amitryptylline.

But anyway, after sitting for over half an hour, whilst watching numerous other mentally challenged people of this small rural town, sit down, then stand, then fidget, then be called by their respective counsellor, I knew I was feeling better when I was able to have some rationale that perhaps I wouldn't still be here in 20years time, I might have got a grip, I might not be the mad, eccentric lady with a shopping trolley and five plastic carrier bags filled with bottles of my urine. I might actually be a survivor. And instead of feeling sick whilst waiting, I was actually trying to stifle a giggle at the poor woman who couldn't sign in "as I don't like holding pens". I shouldn't have, that's very cruel and I'm slightly ashamed, but it made me think that for the first time in months I wasn't filled with excessive melancholy, there were others who needed more hope than I did.